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Single folks

When I counsel, I always make sure to ask the individuals who are about get married what areas they would like their intended spouse to improve on (character, attitude, etc). When either one of them starts blushing and tells me “oh there’s nothing I want him/her to work on”, “he/she is just perfect, like an angel” and all that, I know that couple will have much drama in their marriage!

Look, you’ll be doing yourself a huge disservice if you don’t speak up before you get married so those issues can be resolved. If your husband or wife to be for example, lacks self control or is inconsiderate, etc don’t claim you can manage those traits in marriage without bringing it to their attention.

For most people, the same person that they were blushing over and calling perfect is the same person they begin to despise in marriage because they were not open and honest during their courtship. It’s okay not to love everything about them (they can’t love everything about you either). We all have areas we need to improve on and this continues even in marriage.

So be real, and stop trying to paint a picture of them that doesn’t exist. There’s no need for either of you to be perfect but you both need to be humble enough to acknowledge your faults and improve on them. Address what needs to be addressed so you can enjoy your marriage when you get there. The courtship phase is for making observations and addressing any concerns so take full advantage of it.

Please note that when you speak up, you shouldn’t be disrespectful or condescending. The goal of this is not to find faults but to make each other more self aware so you can tame any negative traits that could have a negative impact on your relationship and the home you intend to build. As always, seek counsel if you need it. Wishing you God’s best in your marriage and family life! Cheers…

Kemi Oyedepo

Kemi Oyedepo69669645 comments71 shares


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